Nov. 6, 2026
Recently, my partner and I purchased a house. Owning a home was not something I ever dreamed of, but in this area, rents have gotten so high that owning a home is about the same price, or in our case, far cheaper.
We were able to pay for our house in cash. Again, not something I ever dreamed would be possible. My partner's Grandmother left her a sizable inheritance. Not a lot of money to an actual rich person, but a hell of a lot of money to a poor person. She didn't want to eat into these savings too much, so we were initially open to getting a medium-sized mortgage to cover the difference after doing a large down payment.
Then my parents entered the picture. They have been super supportive of our relationship and our decision to live relatively close to home, near a cool town they love to visit. Way back in the early 80's, their parents had covered the cost of their home, so they wanted to that forward to us. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, they also wanted to show their support for my sobriety and recovery (3 years + 8 months sober!). They see all the healthy changes in me and wanted to show their support by giving us this huge, financial gift.
We knew relatively early on that they were going to help out with the cost of the house, because they mentioned it no longer after we told them we were looking. But we didn't know initially that between their contribution and my partner's, we would be able to cover the entire cost of the house in cash.
For about three months, we looked at place after place without ever really finding a perfect fit. Some properties came close but were ultimately ruled out for various reasons.
After seeing about twenty properties, we finally saw “the one.” We loved the vibe even before we set foot in the house. There were beautiful, old trees throughout the yard, a patch of woods, a fire circle, some grape vines on an aging arbor. This place was cute! Plus, it had solar panels! Also, it was listed at $41,000 below our original budget, right when we were starting think we might need to loan additional funds from my parents to afford house that was actually “turn key,” as opposed to the overwhelming number of homes we saw listed way above their current value, in need of a lot of work.
We decided that we wanted to submit our bid before we pulled out of the driveway. Our Realtor was actually finishing up a brief, much needed vacation, so she wasn't even the one who showed us the property. I imagined her doing all the paperwork while crammed into an aisle seat on a crowded airplane.
Just as we were submitting our bid, we found out there was another bid already submitted. Crap! We knew that this meant the house was probably going to go for more than it was listed, something we were hoping to avoid due to the fact that despite it's relatively modest price-tag for the area, it was listed well-above it's most recent appraisal. But we had agreed we were willing to negotiate up to $16,000 over the listing price. Again, we were thinking: “Hey, it's more than this property is probably worth, but we love it, and we'll still be under our original budget. Let's do it!”
Suffice it to say, the process went way faster than either of us expected. For about four days, it felt like we were on a roller coaster that I did not on even plan on getting on. The other bid had an escalation cap of $318,000. We outbid them at $322,000. This should have felt like a success. We had finally found our place, won a competitive bidding war, and still came in under budget. For perspective, we were willing to go up to $400,000 with additional loan money from my parents, so we should be celebrating, right?
Wrong. I was so stressed that week, I didn't sleep for two nights in a row. All of a sudden, the reality of owning a home, of committing to live in one place indefinitely with the same partner, of how old the septic tank was (let's not talk about it), of how privileged we were to be able to pay with inherited cash, of outbidding another party that also wanted this house (Sorry, y'all. I hope you found your place!), of not playing our cards right in the negotiating process (I still think we could have gotten it for cheaper), of not owning a home for 43 years, and then in less than a week, all of that changing. I was a rambler and a rover, and a wanderer it seems (Buffy Saint-Marie). I was an addict who ruined an 8-year relationship that ended in financial instability and being forced to live in a benevolent, insane woman's house. I never lived up to everyone's expectations of me, a chronic underachiever, never believing in myself enough to pursue my passions and dreams, always running from life and ultimately myself.
I never imagined how stressful, anxious, and fearful I would feel when we finally signed on the dotted line.
Now, we're most likely going to have a closing date of either Dec. 1 or 2, which is less than one month away. How did all of this happen? How did I go from being at rock bottom four years ago in a failed relationship to owning a home and being in the best relationship of my life? How am I not going to fuck this up?
I've had to use all the recovery tools at my disposal to not freak out on a daily basis since we signed the buyer's agreement. I still get nervous, anxious, and fearful almost every day. I imagine it will get worse as the date approaches, and perhaps even worse than that when we finally move in, and I realize that we made the biggest mistake of our lives?
Or did we? Maybe not. Maybe we did the best we could with the knowledge and resources we had at the time. Maybe we did find the perfect place for us to live and grow together, explore our passions, and build a life through staying put. Maybe this will be good for me. Maybe it will give my life more direction, more stability, more love.
I can only hope so.
Tata for now!